To get a snapshot of what the dating app scene is like for guys, I compared the free tiers of six popular dating apps: Tinder, Hinge, Bumble, OkCupid, The League, and Coffee Meets Bagel. Grindr has more active users than any other gay dating app. It’s also free to send and receive messages, and there are more than 20,000,000 pics shared each day. It’s absolutely ideal for men who are looking for gay hookups, primarily because literally everyone is on here.
If you’re struggling to meet the love of your life on dating apps, there’s probably someone who’s having a worse go of things: average-looking men. According to a new study conducted by Aviv Goldgeier, a Junior Growth Engineer at the dating app Hinge, average guys struggle on dating apps more than most other guys.
If you’re not familiar with the dating app Hinge, it works slightly differently than other apps by allowing users to “like” certain aspects of other people’s profiles. According to Goldgeier’s research, a small percentage of very attractive men on Hinge are receiving the majority of likes from women, leaving average-looking dudes in the dust.
Goldgeier found that among likes sent by a woman, half of them go to only about 15 percent of the male population. In contrast, when it’s a man that’s initiating, half of their likes are spread among about 25 percent of female users.
This disparity seems to stem from who’s initiating. Among Hinge users, men are three times more likely to send the first like.
However, when it’s a woman making the first move, their likes are distributed among a much smaller group of men. Presumably because they’re being ultra discerning and only giving their likes to the most attractive gents on the app – and rightfully so.
While this is disappointing news for middle-of-the-road men, as a single female on dating apps, this behavior makes a lot of sense. Women get a lot of attention period online. Unlike men I’ve spoken to who admit to using a blitzkrieg-like strategy to meet women online (liking and/or messaging any woman they find attractive), as a female, it’s in my best interest to be more selective. I already get an overwhelming amount of messages, so if I’m going to be potentially adding to that pile, I want to make sure it’s someone I’m really interested in. Usually, they’re hot. #SorryNotSorry
That isn’t to say that I don’t find average-looking guys attractive (because I do), it’s just that, unless they have something really eye-catching in their profile – for example, we share a really obscure interest or they’ve done something interesting with their life that makes them intriguing (like posted a photo of themselves at Machu Picchu), they don’t stand out as much for me. With that said, if an average-looking guy messages me and he has a good personality, I’m game.
But – before you start crying tears of sympathy for those average guys out there – here’s something to consider. According to Goldgeier, likes are much more evenly distributed between men and women who are under the age of 25, so if you’re an average guy in that age bracket, you have nothing to worry about.
However, if you’re an average dude struggling in the age of apps, there are a few things you can do to increase your chances of receiving that much-sought-after female attention online.
First of all, post good photos. An average-looking dude with good photos – i.e. ones that are well-lit and show him smiling and generally looking approachable – are way more appealing that a “gorgeous guy” who has taken dimly-lit shirtless photos in his smudged bathroom mirror (shudder).
Secondly, pose with a dog! A 2014 study from social networking site Skout found that men who featured photos of themselves posed with canines were more appealing. Having a pup by your side (even if it’s not yours), “gives the impression you are friendly and caring, but rugged at the same time.”
The same study found that including yoga as one of your interests also had a positive effect. While I’m not suggesting you go out and immediately purchase a yoga mat, what this points to is that women dig men who do activities (like yoga) that show they’re active, but relatively chill and non-aggressive. So, if you’re really into a certain activity, mention it in your profile or include it in your profile photos. But make sure you stay true to yourself. If you’re more into Dungeons and Dragons than doing the downward dog – own it.
(FYI, this study also found that those bathroom mirror selfies pretty much have an inverse effect on your dating chances – just in case you didn’t believe me the first time, fellas.)
Lastly, don’t be creepy. Often, it’s not that we won’t “like” or swipe right on profile because the guy is physically unatractive necessarily, but rather because there’s something else that’s off-putting about his profile. Whether it’s half-naked photos, sexually suggestive language or photos that don’t show your face clearly – trust me, we have our reasons. If you’re unsure about your profile, show it to a female friend to get her critique and adjust it accordingly.
At the end of the day, remember you’re an average dude. Life is already pretty good for you across the board. You’ve got this.
10 dating apps to swipe right or left depending on what you’re looking for in your next relationship here in Japan.
So you’ve moved to Japan hopeful that the dating scene here will be ah-mazing and full of new excitement. You think you’ll find the perfect Japanese man for you right away and things will lead to a happy ending. Or just have some fun for a while. While that’s a great mindset to have, it’s time to get real. Most foreign women living in Japan that want a serious relationship need to put in more legwork than they might otherwise overseas. Shyness combined with language and cultural barriers plus the not-so-little matter of a global pandemic make dating an even more stressful situation than it typically is.
But luckily, we live in an era where you can find anything online—even relationships. A quick search online will show you dozens of different deai-kei (出会い系 online dating) apps, but how do you know what will help you find who or what you’re looking for?
Having been there, done that, I decided to do a quick poll of my foreign friends to find out what apps or sites worked best for them and what didn’t. 15 international women living in Japan gave the original rankings out of five stars when this article was first published in 2017, and five of that same group helped to update this ranking for the dating scene in 2020. It’s up to you whether to swipe right or left!
1. Tinder
One that doesn’t need an introduction. While most people are “just looking” on Tinder, if you’re actively trying, you can not only meet people to date, but new friends, drinking buddies, networkers and activity mates. I found a whole group of men and women to check out summer festivals with, so I can speak from experience when I say that Tinder isn’t just for hanky panky.
In 2020, Tinder began offering its global passport, normally a paid service, for free to all users. It enabled them to better connect and communicate, which for several of the ladies was a huge bonus.
- Language: English, Japanese
- Fees: Free, special features require a monthly subscription
- Original Ranking: 4 stars
- 2020 Ranking: 5 stars
2. Bumble
Bumble markets itself as the app where the woman makes the first move, and if she doesn’t message, then the match disappears after 24 hours. This app also relies on the user having a Facebook profile first in order to log in, which has made it a bit slow to catch on in Japan, but it is gaining in popularity because of its “women get to choose” option.
One of the women I surveyed (and who found her current Japanese boyfriend through this app) summarized it as follows: “There are a lot of guys on there, and most of them aren’t on other apps as well. You don’t find as many fake profiles on Bumble as you do with other sites, and you get to control the whole ‘am I going to bother talking to him’ part, which is really nice.”
In 2020, the app is not just for dating, but also for business opportunities, and making friends too. Within the app, you can switch from one feature to another, which makes it very versatile for the global community, and also a great way to keep in touch and build your social circle from a safe distance.
- Language: English, Japanese
- Fees: Free, special features require a monthly subscription
- Original Ranking: 4½ stars
- 2020 Ranking: 5 stars
3. OkCupid Japan
Billed as “the best dating site on Earth,” OkCupid’s Japanese version is much more detail focused than Bumble or Tinder, with the average time to fill out your profile coming in at around 45 minutes. You can of course opt to leave most of your profile empty, but based on the experiences shared with me, it isn’t recommended, because you’re most likely to remain unnoticed. According to one woman who has used it, “OkCupid has a lot of serial daters on it, so if you use other dating apps/sites, you may be discouraged by the dating pool overall.”
In the 2020 dating scene, it’s still a staple, but the imbalance in users and the volume of fake profiles is staggering. It’s also said to be a hassle to sign up for too, so unless you’re really determined to use it, you’d probably have less trouble with a different app.
- Language: English, Japanese, and others
- Fees: Free, special features require a monthly subscription
- Original Ranking: 3 stars
- 2020 Ranking: 2 stars
4. JapanCupid
Not to be confused with OkCupid, JapanCupid is a part of the Cupid Media Group, a niche-based dating site group, that connects users with people from around the world rather than just in their immediate area. While this makes it somewhat less appealing to users in Japan, JapanCupid is popular with those who will not be staying in Japan for the long term, and with those who are looking for someone to marry—though apparently there are far more Japanese women on this site than there are Japanese men.
Unfortunately in 2020, not much seems to have changed, and when a different friend logged in, she was inundated with a number of obviously fake profiles and soon deleted her account. “Claiming a 20-year-old Korean pop star is really you, but you’re a 36-year-old Japanese man? No thanks.”
- Language: English, Japanese, and others
- Fees: Free, special features require a monthly subscription/fees
- Original Ranking: 3 stars
- 2020 Ranking: 1 star
5. MatchAlarm
MatchAlarm was a Japanese language only dating app that recommended a new person to you every morning at 8 a.m. based on your social information gleaned from your Facebook profile and behavior. You had 16 hours to respond to an alarm, after which it would disappear, and would require three coins (a part of the in-app payment system) in order to tap the “Might Like You” button. But unfortunately, MatchAlarm is no more, and therefore no longer part of the ranking.
6. Omiai
The largest online dating site and app service in Japan that relies on your Facebook profile (or Apple ID, or phone number now) to search for your ideal match. This is another konkatsu service, so unless you’re looking for a serious relationship, Omiai might not be the site for you. There are 24 points that you can filter your results by, including nationality and income level, which some users pointed out makes this site seem more for sugar daddy searching than anything else, but overall, no one had any serious complaints about this site.
For daters in 2020 with the Japanese language skills to keep up, Omiai has somewhat rebranded itself in more of a Tinder/Instagram friendly fashion, and strictly placed focus on it being a relationship/marriage-centric app. If you’re seriously looking to meet a marriage partner, this is probably your best option when it comes to dating apps.
- Language: Japanese
- Fees: Free for women, ¥1,950 per month (for the 12-month plan) for men
- Original Ranking: 4 stars
- 2020 Ranking: 4 stars
7. Tapple
Tapple is a dating app where, instead of filling out a profile and searching for people, you fill out the qualifiers of what sort of man you’re interested in, and then join different groups based on your hobbies. Then, you’re shown a selection of men who share that interest and meet your criteria, and you can either like, skip, or super like their profile.
While I had some positive experiences meeting and talking to people on this app, when the time came to actually meet in person, the people that I spoke to were very hesitant to meet offline. One guy actually said he preferred to talk and date online exclusively. Other foreign female users I spoke with had similar results, so this might not be a good choice if you are seriously looking to meet someone.
Best Dating Apps For Women
Thanks to numerous updates to a more streamlined, Tinder-like service, plus TV and online commercials in 2020, Tapple has become a very competitive app, preferred by those in their 20s who are looking for a relationship that could lead to something more. Plus, the numbers of people who want to take things slowly and start online here make it ideal for those wanting companionship but not willing to head out on the town just yet.
- Language: Japanese
- Fees: Free for women, monthly subscription fee for men (varies by number of months desired)
- Original Ranking: 2½ stars
- 2020 Ranking: 4 stars
8. YYC
YYC has been around for twenty years now according to its website and still lists itself as Japan’s largest dating service. When you join, you are given an automatic 300 points to use in order to meet and match with others based on your own search parameters. The vast majority of this service’s users are young professionals. YYC is a dating site designed for people who want to combine the blogging space of LiveJournal with the influencer lifestyle of Instagram, so if you aren’t the type to frequently update and message, you might find this site to be more of a hassle than anything else. “Casual users tend to just disappear after their free points run out, so it’s not a place for you if you aren’t ready to commit to the effort,” said one user.
None of the ladies I spoke with still used YYC, so I gave it an honest try, and I have to say, it wasn’t all that bad, but I did find it somewhat repetitive. If your Japanese isn’t up to par, it can be a struggle to navigate as well.
- Language: Japanese
- Fees: Free for women, monthly subscription fee/points system for men
- Original Ranking: 3½ stars
- 2020 Ranking: 3 stars
9. Pairs
Pairs is another online dating site and one that has had numerous TV and train commercials since going online. This site and its related app also uses your Facebook profile but allows you to hide your full name, enabling its users to go by initials instead. Their target audience tends to be younger Japanese men, “so there are plenty of guys to choose from, but those that are interested in pursuing a serious relationship with a non-native Japanese speaker are few and far between, at least in my experience,” according to a user.
“It’s updated a bit, but nothing really major has changed about the quality of the users,” says the same person as above in 2020. “I still use it, and sometimes you find someone nice, but it’s more work than some of the other apps out there now.”
- Language: Japanese
- Fees: Free for women, monthly subscription fee for men
- Original Ranking: 3 stars
- 2020 Ranking: 3 stars
10. Zexy Koimusubi
Zexy Koimusubi is a dating app that is part of a popular Japanese wedding services company. The app overall works on the same principles of matching based on shared interests and uses your Facebook profile to compile this data, but otherwise, it seems to have a fairly high success rate. Whether this is due to their association with weddings and marriage already is anyone’s guess, but of the people that I know that have used this site, two married someone they met on there, and one is planning her wedding now, so make of that what you will.
Dating Apps For Average Guys Like
“I met my husband on this site, so of course I would recommend it to anyone that is serious about marriage, having kids, and staying in Japan. It does work, if you’re brutally honest with yourself about what you’re looking for. If you’re still trying to figure that out, don’t bother with this app.” (Jane, American, 31)
- Language: Japanese
- Fees: initial one time ¥108 fee for women (for ID check purposes), monthly fee for men
- Original Ranking: 4 stars
- 2020 Ranking: 4½ stars
11. Bonus App—Happy Mail
Happy Mail first began in 2001 but wasn’t a major player in the dating app scene for a long time. According to their website, thanks to consistent efforts over the last twenty years they have the largest number of members of any dating/matching app in Japan. There are just over 25 million people on Happy Mail, looking for everything from pen pals to serious marriage partners.
Based on testimonials from male friends and a few women, it’s quite similar to Pairs but has more of the immediacy of Tinder in terms of matching, so it all comes down to what or how you want to go about dating in 2020 whether this app is what will work for you.
Best Dating Apps For Men
- Language: Japanese
- Fees: Free for women (plus a 120 coin present as some services require points), points/pay as you go fees for men
- Ranking: 4 stars
Before subscribing to a Japanese “serious” dating app, keep in mind that most of them are likely to require you to submit a photo of an official ID before using their services. This is because they are quite literally trying to find you a suitable husband. If that’s your goal, don’t mind the screening! Good luck in finding the best for yourself, ladies!
Have you ever used a dating app or site in Japan? Share your experiences in the comments.